Book Highlights: How to Win Friends and Influence People

Completed Book on: 8th August 2025

Main Summary

This book is about dealing with people in a simple, kind way. Praise works better than criticism. If you want someone to agree with you, first show that you understand them. Small changes—using names, listening well, smiling—can change outcomes. These ideas help a lot in remote work too. See: Mastering the art of remote work.

Highlights

“Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.”

Criticism makes people defensive and closes doors. It’s better to describe the outcome you want and talk about how to get there together. This keeps the focus on the work, not the blame.

“Give honest and sincere appreciation.”

People need to feel seen. Specific praise builds trust fast: “Thanks for fixing the deploy in 10 minutes—it saved us a customer ticket.”

“Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound.”

Using someone’s name shows care. In async tools, mention people by name when you thank them or ask for help.

“Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.”

Let silence do the work. Ask open questions like “What would make this easier?” and listen fully before you respond.

“Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.”

Translate your point to what they value. Product cares about impact, engineering cares about clarity, design cares about constraints.

“The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.”

Don’t fight—align first. Start with shared goals, then compare options. Most debates cool down once goals are clear.

“If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.”

Own it early and fix it fast. A short note like “My mistake—pushing a fix now” resets the tone.

“Begin in a friendly way.”

Open PRs and incident threads with something positive: “Nice work on X. One question about Y…” It lowers guard and invites collaboration.

“Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.”

Co‑create plans. Move from “my proposal” to “our plan.” People support what they help build.

“Throw down a challenge.”

Clear goals motivate. Try “Let’s ship in three days with under two bugs.” Small, concrete challenges build momentum.

If you like highlight‑style notes, you may also enjoy my summary of Atomic Habits.